Category Archives: Motherhood

Me first!

First born child.

Incredibly stubborn.

Strong willed.

Wants his way.

Demands to be first.

Pouting

Pouting (Photo credit: dadblunders)

Do you have a child like this? Do you know a child like this? Were you this child?

I am a pretty calm person. I don’t get irritated easily. I have no problem letting others go first. While I am incredibly determined, I do not have the “me first” nature. I’m sure I did at some point, but I can’t remember it.

When I became a Mom for the first time, it took me a while to realize that these were qualities that my first-born has.  Looking back, I see this from very early on. He was not a good sleeper. He did not like sleeping anywhere but his swing. It took trying different things, and talking to other Moms until I realized that it didn’t matter where he slept, as long as he slept!

I have struggled over the years to find a balance with this. It can be difficult. I want him to be determined. I want him to believe strongly in himself and not let others push him around. I want him to realize that he is uniquely made. I want him to know that he can do anything he sets his mind on. I want him to be a leader. But, with all of these things, I want him to understand that he needs to learn to put others first and not be selfish. I find this to be a constant learning battle as a parent.

We’ve been working with him for a long time on this. He’s gotten much better. But, lately, the me first attitude has been out in full force. We take family bike rides together, and he always wants to be first. He has a very hard time letting his younger brother lead. Don’t most big brothers?

A few weeks ago, he had an incident of needing to be first, and ended up tumbling with his brother on their bikes. He was scraped up. And I was irritated! Of course, I checked to make sure he was okay. But this flew out of my mouth. “This is exactly why we tell you that you don’t have to be first! People can get hurt. What were you thinking??”

It wasn’t one of my finest Mommy moments, as I didn’t show much grace. I was so frustrated that he could not understand what we’ve been trying to teach him. It just wasn’t sinking in.

Then it hit me. Aren’t we all like that sometimes?

Until we actually experience the mistake and the hurt associated with hit, we usually can’t learn the lesson. And as parents, I think it can be one of the hardest things we will have to do. Sometimes, we have to let our children fall and suffer the consequences in order to understand these important life lessons.

How do you handle the hard lessons with your children?

3 Comments

Filed under Emotions, Life lessons, Motherhood, Raising boys

Nobody told me

Nobody told me how having kids would change my marriage.

Nobody told me that I would fall in love with these kids so much, that I would unknowingly isolate my husband, and make him feel like he wasn’t needed anymore.

Nobody told me just how HARD it is to raise kids.

Nobody told me that every waking minute would be consumed by taking care of their needs, and putting my own on the backburner.

Nobody told me that I would face serious hardships in my marriage. That my husband would be unhappy. That I would feel completely numb.

Nobody told me that I would ignore my husband for a very long time. And that he would get to a point where he didn’t really care.

Nobody told me that life can be really hard. And that sometimes I would just struggle to make it through the day.

Nobody told me these things before I had kids. Or even after I had kids. Or during those really, really hard early years with multiple children.

So I am telling you.

New Moms, young Moms, Moms with young kids – the road may be difficult.

You may feel exhausted. You may feel extremely lonely in your marriage. Your marriage may be struggling. You may feel like you can’t do it. You may feel like you will never love your husband the way you did before you had kids. You may be annoyed. You may be irritated. You may not have the energy to work on making things better.

Let me tell you something else. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

There are other couples struggling through the same things. Many of them may not be talking about it, but believe me, there are plenty of people in similar situations.

Photo by Mother Letters

But don’t give up! It does get easier. The kids will get more independent. They won’t need your constant attention. It will get better.

I am in a place now where I am past feeling like this. I chose to make changes in my marriage, and I was forced to make others. But the one thing I know is that being a Mom is tough. There are days when it is hard to go on. But, you can do it.

Your kids need you to be alive, and be present, and help them understand that they matter. And, they need to see that you have your own life as well. That they are not your entire world. They need to see you being the you that God created you to be.

Have you ever felt any of these feelings? What advice would you give Moms currently feeling like this?

17 Comments

Filed under Authenticity, Family, Life lessons, Marriage, Motherhood

What a difference a year makes

I remember getting ready for the mother/son dance a year ago.

I had nothing to wear. I was out of shape, overweight, and felt so frumpy.

I was looking forward to going to the dance with my son and seeing him with all of his friends. But, I still was focused on me, because I just did not feel comfortable with how I looked.

Fast forward – one year later.

Instead of a dance, they decided to do a roller skating party!

Had I been at the weight and in the physical shape I was the year before, I never would have agreed to go. But now, I was excited about it.

My sons had never been roller skating! So, this was a new experience for them. They were so excited!

And, instead of sitting on the sidelines and not exposing them to this fun activity, I was able to embrace it. I had a great time! (It also brought back crazy memories of skating almost every weekend in the ’80s!)

Why?

Because I am in better shape now.

I am stronger.

I am healthier.

Photo by Otree Photography

While I still struggle with finding something to wear, it’s for different reasons now, and not because I am trying to hide every feature.

This is not a before and after picture. Especially since you can’t really see me!  It’s just a glimpse into how you can feel completely different when you start making better choices and taking care of yourself. The simplest things that would have brought stress to you no longer do. I am excited about being able to be a Mom who is active and doing fun things with my kids. My Dad was always that way, and I have wonderful memories of all of the adventures we used to go on.

One year from now, you can either be happy that you’ve made progress, or frustrated with the fact that you haven’t even tried.

What’s your choice?

1 Comment

Filed under Getting Healthy, Motherhood, Motivation