We weren’t always like this

Last week was my 40th birthday. My sweet husband made this incredible video for me. It was a surprise, and I loved it! We have received so many amazing comments about it. They range from “Wow, you can just feel how much he loves you” to “he must have scored some big points with that one” to “tell him thanks for raising the bar too high for the rest of us”. That one cracked me up.

My husband is awesome. He continually shows me all the time that he loves me. Our marriage is in a great place right now. We have learned to appreciate each other, and we openly show each other, and let others around us know how much we mean to each other.

But what most people don’t know is that we weren’t always like this. We have been together for a long time. Next month, it will be 22 years since we went on our first date. Wow! If you’ve been married for more than a few years, you certainly know that there will be patches of good and bad in your marriage. If you’re not married, let me tell you that it is very common. However, after many years of drifting apart and taking each other for granted, we hit a major bad spot in our marriage a few years ago. Bad enough that the thought of divorce came up for the first time ever in my life.

It was bad. We were living in the same house, but completely lonely and unhappy. And, we weren’t even sure how we really got there. We had kids, and we just drifted apart. We stopped appreciating each other, and no longer made time for each other. We neglected our marriage.

That time was pivotal for us. We had a decision to make. We were either going to work like crazy to make it better, or we were going to give up on it. Luckily, neither of us gave the second option more than a moment’s thought. We both realized that although there were big circumstances that we had to overcome, we had both been responsible for neglecting our marriage up to that point.

We went to counseling. We started communicating again. We got raw and real and honest for the first time in a very long time. We started dating each other again.

What we did not do was say that it wasn’t worth it. I’m thankful for that. I know that there are so many situations where people can’t say that. They have been put in a position where the other person wasn’t willing to try. And, I can’t imagine what that would have been like if he had not been willing to put the effort in to make it better. I know that I am truly blessed.

My hope in sharing this is that you will realize that it’s never too late for your marriage. You can’t change the past, but you can significantly change the future.

You can start trying again. You can respect your spouse. You can date your spouse. You can learn to appreciate your spouse more. You can make it better.

Will it be easy? Most likely not. But will it be worth it? Absolutely!


1 Comment

Filed under Authenticity, Marriage

One response to “We weren’t always like this

  1. Pingback: Dating a Married Man…but how? « Still Dating My Spouse

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